Tinasdietdiary's Blog

Starting over…at least that’s what it feels like

Posted on: February 3, 2010

Dear Diary,
I have been a bad bad girl. Even though I survived the weekend at my parents kind of staying on the dieting train, it went straight downhill from there. A lot of things combined to drag me to bingeing hell: my supermarket had a lot of my bad favorite foods on sale, I am getting more and more nervous about doing a good job with my thesis and some other small things that got me into a bad mood. In which I stayed from Tuesday until Friday. With a lot of chocolate, Mousse au Chocolat, Pizza, Dipping Sauce and more chocolate.

Then, when on Friday I unpacked my package containing Flat Belly Cream and Problem Zone Gel, I realized how counterproductive eating a whole bunch of crap and using these things was and it kept me from going to the store (which is unfortunately right across my house) and getting M&Ms. I did end up going later because I needed something for dinner and got them anyways, but I brought them to the movie theater with me later that night and didn’t finish them all right away. Partial win. Then I spent the day yesterday safely locked up in the library where there is no chocolate or anything and had dinner with a friend (Thai Chicken, Veggies and Noodles, not super-diety but also not bad) and I had one smaller bar of chocolate left that I ate after he went home. And decided that that was the last treat for a while. Because I clearly cannot deal with moderation right now. Reading on another diet blog, I totally recognized the thoughts: I was most happy when I was just getting skinny and I could resist every temptation. Right now and in the past few months, I cannot resist any temptation. The only thing keeping me from buying sweets everywhere I go is not bringing money. How bad is that!

But I guess then that is what I have to do for a while, until I am back in control. Which I will be after I lost some weight and I am reminded that nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels. For now, the hardest thing is to forgive myself for last week. To tweeting everything I eat and not losing it. Today I planned to have yesterday night’s leftovers for lunch and then later tonight a Tomato soup, either with cheese or some fried Edamame. I will go for that latter I think, I haven’t had them in soooo long and they’ve been in my freezer forever. And my only mission is to stay away from the store. I already had the greatest workout today, I painted my nails to make myself feel pretty and I have thesis stuff to keep myself occupied. Let’s hope for the best. Tomorrow morning will be my next weigh-in…I am kind of afraid to see the damage I did, but by not facing it I only make things worse.

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